Apocalyptic Thought

 Something that's everywhere and not where at all. A lasting touch, fading into a memory.  A nightmare. A longing. A begging.  A crying.  A regret. A fire that fuels a smoldering ash. A missed detail of your favorite story. Hated for being so loving. Something filled with shame done solo. Consuming it burns, searing the skin.  Sex destroys because it breeds life. 

Outside I can be free, The grass is greener and sky is bluer. My senses dull here as I stand, Ankles throbbing. Stomach limiting me to shallow breaths. The false light lies, I see grey instead of white. The light betrays my refection That can be me… I’m not that tired, Not the angry, Not this…boring. Remembering who I was, I must become her again. I can’t do that here. My best friend sees beauty, but I don’t know what she means. She guides me away, as I look back, All I can see is the window. I wish it wasn’t so green.