Best Man

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

“Adam has been very good to me.”

The room continues to watch. Chris isn’t good at this kind of thing, and the eyes make him nervous. The eyes in the front row are unfamiliar, which does help out. People on Adam’s side of the wedding are scattered through the reception hall. Every person he recognizes is a bump on the path of a good speech delivery. Some of the faces they made signal like they’re waiting for a typical, terrible, best man speech.

That was the speech he wrote on a napkin at the rehearsal dinner. They were giving him the option to talk though it, but he refused. He didn’t need to make himself sick two days in a row. Even that crowd, immediate friends and family, made him dry heave a bit. Brenda looked so beautiful, and Adam is so happy. It makes me think why I’m here.

“I don’t deserve a friend like him.” Chris hears a sigh in the back. “I’m sorry, I’m not that good at this.”

“This is…more emotional than I expected.” It’s the exact level of emotions he was expected. “But this isn’t about me. This is a about, spoiler alert, two people find each other and falling in love.” He smiles at his first laugh of the night.

“Adam met me in college.”

#

You have to understand, I had no idea Adam existed in the first three months of my freshmen year. Yes, it was a big campus, and yes, they’re were thousands of students there, but we were roommates. I’m the apex of the terrible, freshmen roommate story. At the height of my immaturity, I was drinking and partying every night. Class was show I didn’t watch, and girls were the reason I went to college. What made it worse was the smell.

My side of the room had things living in it. That’s how bad it smelled.

I didn’t pick up my stuff. I didn’t clean. I didn’t wash my clothes. I brought food back to the room but never brought any of it out. There was some type of goop that was under my bed that neither of us could identify. I have since learned the errors of my ways, and I’m proud of the cleaning supply held in my home.

Who am I kidding? I have a cleaning service.

The night I met Adam I wasn’t in the room. I wasn’t even at the campus. I woke up in the hospital, with a doctor standing at the foot of my bed, shaking his head in disappointment. It was a familiar feeling if you ask anyone in my family. It was just a way of life. The doctor gave me a status report.

“I think the alcohol poisoning is pretty evident. Do you ever remember drinking?”

I shake my head.

“Well, you almost won a slot on the waiting list for a new liver, but when the damage is self-inflicting, the chances are slim. I would call that a winning lotto ticket, but let’s hope you realize that.”

He turns, walks to the hallway, but stops.

“Also, you need to thank that man right there.” He points to Adam, who’s sleeping in the chair by the window. “I wish I had a guardian angel like that in college.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. My first thought was this guy was creeping on me, watching me throughout the night. I checked to make sure my kidneys were still intact. He looked tired so I didn’t even bother to wake him up. To be honest, I was exhausted, so I slept too.

When I woke up, he was reading something on this phone.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“The guy that got your stomach pumped.”

He is quick, isn’t he?

“I’m also your roommate. You know, the guy who cleans up your smells.”

“My room doesn’t smell.”

“I beg to differ.”

What makes this scene funny is that he hasn’t looked up from his phone yet. I don’t know if he was texting women who are irrelevant now, obviously, or just being informed like he’s wont to do, but he was able to throw all that shade without looking up from his phone. Ladies and gentlemen…millennials.

I shrugged, and we sat in silence. A nurse told me that I was getting discharged soon, and that I could get dressed. Adam handed me a bunch of his clothes. I asked for mine and he just shook his head.  This wasn’t my first drunk stupor, so I knew not to ask questions.

He went and got the car as they wheeled me out of the hospital, picking me up in his 99 Honda civic. The nurse wished me luck, though I didn’t understand what she was wishing luck for. It took a moment that she meant with life.

“Thanks for the…ride, or whatever.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.”

“You know, you could have called an Uber.”

“I don’t think they pick up belligerent drunks.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Adam turned down the radio. He looked down the highway for a moment, looking for something. He pointed to a food sign.

“You hungry?”

We chowed down on some mystery meat.

“Listen, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but I’m going to take some liberties after you get back to the room.”

“Go on.”

He picked at a few of his fries.

“I don’t care how you feel about me being here, or being at the hospital. I really don’t, but seeing you last night changed me a bit.”

“Are you coming on to me or—”

“I had never used CPR before.”

His look was patient, waiting for me to respond to that. It was great that he got certified or whatever, but I didn’t get what that meant for me.

“For that scare, I’m throwing out some shit. Let’s be real, it’s going to be mostly your shit.”

I shrugged; I wasn’t in the room that much anyway.

“Good. Then it’s settled.”

“You don’t mind if I throw away some of your shit, right?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?

“What? You have absolute control of the room just because you’re in it more?”

“Yes!”

“Well, that’s some bullshit.”

“I fucking saved your life yesterday!”

“Anybody could have called an ambulance.”

“You were fucking dead last night.”

“People get drunk. It happens.”

Adam shakes his head.

“You weren’t breathing when you were in your bed. I had to resuscitate you.”

He literally saved my life. I was a little shit to him for this whole time, and he was sitting on the fact that he actually revived me. He looked so uncomfortable when he said it too, like he regretted saying it. We sat in silence until he said—

“Fucking finish your fries so we can go.”

He paid too, and he didn’t even mind when I cried in his car. I told myself I wouldn’t touch any of his stuff anymore until the year was over. I almost succeeded. When we got back, I threw out a lot of stuff so he didn’t have to. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

#

“I don’t know how many lives Adam touched in the room, but appreciate him. You don’t have to do it as much I as do, because he reminds me everyday of how special he is.” Christ raises his glass of whiskey, and he smiles at the fact that he hid drinking four of those before his speech. “He got me through college, he got me through life. Brenda, hopefully, you’ll be a better roommate.”

The applause shocks him. He didn’t think a drunken college story would get a reaction like this. The crowd wasn’t expecting the story to have much of a meaning either. Some saw the jittery energy coming from him in the beginning, holding their breath as they anticipated rambling. Chris was thankful he didn’t curse as much as he planned to on the napkin.

Chris met Adam and Brenda at their newlywed table.

“I saved all the chasing girls stories for when we drink at the house.”

“You guys ran out of those stories years ago.”

“Chris, she’s on to us.”

Chris hugs them both, and heads back to his seat. He thinks back to his story, imaging what kind of life he could have lived if he didn’t need Adam’s kick in the pants. It probably would have been worse off. Chris was angry back then, but Adam showed him more compassion than anyone has showed him in his life so far. It was quite the lesson, and Chris lost the taste alcohol (though he got it back after his grades trended upward.)

At the table, he makes some small chat with the rest of mutual friends of Adam and him, and they reminisced how the rest of college played out. Most of them don’t remember, or even knew Chris until after the events of the story. It was better off that way. His life could have slipped away so easily.

He’s been CPR certified ever since.